10/22/02 Got this link from Mimi Smartypants. Funny! And check out her blog, she's funny too.

Tonite at work a lady was there with her son Brandon. I know his name is Brandon becuz she kept yelling at him. "Brandon! Come here!" "Brandon! Stay by me!" "Brandon- do you want me to smack you? (WTF?)" The kid was probably two. He doesn't know shit. But she kept yelling at him, putting him down so he could run around, and then smacking him when he didn't do what she wanted. He cried loudly. Meanwhile, she was discussing the benefits of various body washes with her girlfriend. I wanted to say "Hey, quit smacking that kid, it's turning my stomach," and I would have, but they left. Without buying anything,

The only thing I did was smile at Brandon when he came around the corner where I was, and say "Hey, what are you doin' sweetness?"

Brandon grinned, his 2-year-old self.

I am such a pussy.

10/22/02 Jeez. You can't turn on the TV in the morning without hearing about another shooting.

10/21/02 Can I borrow your Mad Max road warrior car?
And your Phoenix Rising spell.

kill 'em allGoing to Williamsburg this weekend. One thing my sister and I have in common is travelling. We both like to go places. She goes to a lot more, a lot farther away, but still. We're taking Johnny to Williamsburg fo his birthday. It's the Edgar Allen Poe Festival! Wa-hoo! We both like him too. I know, we're nerds. *snort*

We have to go down 95, but we've devised a plan to keep from getting shot. Fill up at a full-serve, pee before we go. No liquids in the car, no lunch stop. Bullet-proof vests, crash helmets, and tinted windows (just kidding.) I guess it's no worse than the wild, wild west, eh? Let's get back to our roots.


The Greatest Taste Around
by: Negativland

I got fired by my boss,

I nailed Jesus to the cross,

Powdered mashed pototoes in the cupboard for three years,
Alcoholic husbands driving frantic wives to tears,
Poor old widow's house burnt down,

Tractors plowing down the hills,

Ghastly stench of puppy mills,

Sheets with stinking urine,
Bloody shards of glass,
Mud flaps burnt by hot exhaust,
Drunkards passing gas,
Children dying of disease,

Leading helpless teens astray,

I can't find the strength to say,

Medicated ointment being spread on painful rash,
Old outdated software being thrown into the trash,
Everything still tastes the same,

(Reproduced without permission.)
cribbed from full bleed.

10/19/02 Translate your site into a different language. Link from jay bagely, evil genius.

Translate your site into porn. Got this one from Kat in Florida a long time ago. Felt it was time for a re-up.

10/18/02 Conan O'Brien is and has always been a weenie

I mean, his inferiority complex just shines out, you know? Sometimes he is cool, but man, just fake it 'till you make it, OK? This from a woman who doesn't have a TV show, a career, or anywhere near the money that you do.

Earlier this evening Johnny and I made a quasi-picture on the living room wall with a cool pack of off-brand tarot cards. But the Hermit card keeps falling off the wall while the others stay up. I feel this is a sign. Off to listen to tunes now. Cig count=9. Drink count=uuuh, MYOB.

10/18/02 I am wearing:

Black T-shirt
Blue-and-green fleece hoodie
Baby blue pajama bottoms with little white flowers
Black socks with red cherries on them
Blue fleece slippers
Disheveled pony tail
No makeup

I look like this quite often. You still love me, right?

10/18/02 This is my heart.
This is my head.

(Anil's response is not directed at Eric's manifesto; he was responding to this.)

Maybe this says it best. (link from Kat in Florida,who got it from KD:a blog.)

breakfast of champions 10/18/02 Seen this morning on VH1: Celine Dion singing You Shook Me All Night Long with Anastacia and Joan Jett. LMAO! She dances like a scarecrow having an epileptic seizure. (I know! Mean, mean, mean.)

You knew it was coming... Whereify: a wristwatch-type thingie you put on your kids, and it allows you to track them down via phone or internet. A map pops up on the computer screen with a little red circle showing the location of your kid! It has a "patented locking system" which means your kids cannot take it off. It also has a "panic button" that "has the potential" to call 911. Hey, maybe we could put one on our husbands, wives and boyfriends. Why not? They can't take it off! My ex-husband would have loved this, the insanely jealous freak.


I have the day off, and no prior commitments, so I can play in Photoshop for hours! Plus, I have Mrs.T's potato-and-cheddar pierogies. Oh, yeah.

10/17/02 Despite semi-copious amounts of Bowman's Virginia Vodka and Food Lion diet cola, I am still freezing. The farmhouse is lettin' in all the drafts tonite. Had visits from two people from the old job tonite, at the new job. A nice feeling, maybe people care? Or maybe they want gossip. I'm hoping for the former. TTFN.


What shall I do, by nature and trade
a singing creature
as I go over the bridge of my enchanted visions,
that cannot be weighed in a
world that deals only in weights and measures?
Marina Tsvetaeva

poetry from the pisces horoscope. Pisces is my ascendant (rising sign). You know you should read both, right?

10/16/02 Blogs: A Dissertation By Hardware Drugstore Princess

Being new to the blogging community, I don't know a whole lot about it. The thing that sucked me in was the personal thoughts and opinions, the string-of-consciousness writing, and the feeling that I could be a part of these people's lives without actually having to deal with them. I like personal blogs.

Blogging, for me, is a social activity and an escape. I like to peek into the window of your life and hear about your family and coworkers and husbands and boyfriends and cats and dogs.

Being a forty-year-old working woman with children, I like blogs that talk about those things. But I have found a few blogs by younger folks that contain some beautiful, or funny, writing, and I frequent those also. I also enjoy blogs by those who update frequently, so I can catch breaking news and quirky little doo-dahs without having to search for it. I like all kinds of blogs.

There are some blogs that put me to sleep. Warblogs- ugh. Political blogs- ugh. Some bloggers, like the IT guys, post the latest technical info, along with some personal thoughts and comments. Some blogs are nothing but raw feelings and things you would never, never say without the cover of anonymity. Like TV, you get to pick and choose. Why get mad about what someone has to say? Just click the next link and get outta there.

I was reading a comment here (the post titled "my two cents") about lumping all bloggers together. I guess it must be hard to be high profile and have to deal with everyone wanting to comment on your business. There seems to be some confusion in the non-blogging world about the fact that there are many types of blogs. It's my understanding that blog = log, and a log can be about anything you choose.

So technically these blogs that I like should be maybe called diaries, or journals- although a diary is a kind of a log. So there you go. Maybe there will be a splinter group of bloggers called 'diarists.' Maybe there will be a big to-do about it, like the fight over who invented blogging and whose program did what first.

All I want to say is Thanks, to whoever started it.

10/15/02 I rearranged 8 feet of cooler space today. 'Twas cold!. I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket; I can't get it out of my bones. Mike, my boss, is so easygoing. I can't get over the feeling that I don't deserve it. I keep feeling like a big foot is going to stomp down on me.

Bowling for Columbine looks interesting, it's a new movie by Michael Moore. He's that guy who made a movie about the car plants shutting down in the eighties? I vaguely remember- sorry I can't offer more.

Watched Being John Malkovich last night on my free Oct. rental. I know- it's been out forever but I never saw it. Anyway, I liked it alot; it was weird and I'm all for that.

Nothing compelling or interesting to share. I feel kind of disconnected. Hope this is a good sign.

10/14/02 I am loving being a drugstore princess. Work is so much easier and better at the new place. It's easier cuz I'm used to it, but it's weird trying to fit back in with everybody. But they've all been very kind.

Another shooting, this time in Falls Church. This is where I grew up and my Mom, brothers and sister still live there. They are about 2 miles from the site, and frequent this shopping center. The news is saying that they have witnesses this time, and are looking for a specific make and color of van and a light-olive-skinned man in blue clothes. The elderly lady was shot in the head and is dead.

10/12/02 Slittin' my throat, it's all I ever had

My thighs are killing me. No, I didn't have sex (make appropriate single-person joke here.) Did I mention I let my car run out of gas the other day? Yes. I was so busy looking at all the white vans in my immediate vicinity that I forgot to check my gauge. If I lived in a populated suburban area, this would've been no problem, as there are gas stations every 50 yards or so along the road. But I live in rural VA. So I noticed the car sputtering halfway between the Q-stop (where Abby had her accident) and the Ma & Pa's store in Rixeyville (I swear there is a store named that.) I was near the Little Fork Fire Dept., (the guys who rescued Abby from said accident) so I pulled in there thinking they would have a gas can or a dollar's worth of gas or something, but the guy there had none, and he couldn't leave, he was the only guy manning the fire station! So I take off hoping to reach Ma & Pa's, but I ran out about a mile from the store.

I started walking on the side of the road, in the grass, in a ditch, in foot long grass, in the rain, and a kind woman stopped and took me to the store, where I called Abby at Danny's and they came and rescued me.

I thought that just being forty would make this stuff stop happening. I can see this if you are young and stupid and all, believe me it's happened to me plenty of times. But when you reach a certain age don't you deserve dignity? No matter what? I'm getting kinda sick of it. Anyway the bottom line is that I can hardly walk. I was trying to go fast, and keep from getting mowed down by all the cars that passed me, so I guess I overdid it. I mean, I can usually walk all day long and have no problem. Whatever. Slapped down.

10/11/02 The first blog I read tonight gave me this link. Loved it! If I had a picture, I'd post it, but they're all at my Mom's. I was so inspired (OK, I was drunk,) I just wanted to add:

If you were a little girl in the 70s:
1. TV was black and white. No remote. Rabbit ears. It shut down at midnight, to that weird bull's-eye screen.
2. You wore strappy platform shoes, and a skirt with a ruffle along the bottom.
3. You rocked out to Argent: Hold Your Head Up.
4. Neil Sadaka: need I say more? Bad, baaad, blood, bloo-ood, the bitch is in the smile..
5. Your parents had shag carpeting, and a macrame plantholder with a spider plant.
6. You loved David or Shaun Cassidy.
7. "High-water" pants were a major faux pas.
8. You bought candy bars for fifteen cents.
9. You trick-or-treated for UNICEF.

Now I may possibly be getting into the Eighties, I don't know, it's all so blurry...

10. You remember when Saturday Night Live was a new show.
11. You watched Headbangers Ball on fledgling MTV.
12. You played Pong, and Space Invaders.
13. Computers were for big companies,cost $30,000, and took up a whole room. You had to change those big tape thingies all the time.
14. Your parent's first VCR was a Betamax.
15. You played 45s and LPs on a record player.
16. You taped a penny on top of the needle to keep it from skipping.
17. You owned 8-track tapes and had an 8-track player in your car.
18. You bought sticky red reefer with little white hairs for $30 an ounce. Well, maybe you didn't...

10/10/02 The sniper struck again at Massaponex. This is the next exit down from where he struck the last time. This is a minute from the road that my daughter turns on to go to classes at the community college. She goes thru this intersection 3 times a week. We were just down there last week figuring out how she could continue her classes since she had missed 2 weeks because of her car accident.

Yesterday she got a letter from the college saying that due to the AP courses she took in high school, she could test out of the classes she's taking down there. Thank God. She dropped them today. Via phone.

I went to Warrenton today to keep a hair appointment (I know- I don't have the money.) There was a cop car sitting in every parking lot. I stopped at the grocery store and actually looked around to see if there were any white vans or shotgun muzzles sticking out. I didn't leave the store until I scanned the parking lot. I never noticed how many white vans with ladder racks there are! I could've crashed just looking at all of them. Now mulitply that by everybody living in Northern and Central VA.

I kept thinking about all the connecting roads that I would get away on if I was a sniper and wanted to elude the police. There are so many. He/she could've come up or down 95 for a heartbeat, then got off onto I-81, or 17, or 29, or any number of roads that would take him/her back to MD. Could've been in Warrenton, Culpeper, Bealeton, Catalpa, Nokesville, or maybe he just went up 81 thru Luray, Harrisonburg, or maybe went up to Linden, cut thru Marshall, Gainesville, Centreville. It's mind-boggling. God help us.

10/10/02 Laura Bush freaks me out. It's the eyes.

Sorry. I was watching the Today Show this AM and I posted that. Then I went many hours before I posted again. But I felt you had to know.

I think this guy is funny, I can relate to just wanting to say anything you want to say on your web site. That is the whole point, isn't it? I don't get mad if I read something I don't like. I just stop reading it. Or I read it, then think about it. I find that I usually only respond to posts that touch me in a good way. I guess I am just not an angry person? You also have to wonder how many people post outrageous shit just to get hits & comments. So basically I refrain from posting, most times, because I don't want to feel like I've been sucked in.

Actually, I almost sent a hate mail once, when my daughter's ex-boyfriend posted her personal email on his site. I wrote an angry response, then showed it to my daughter. It made her smile so I figured that was good enough. Then I never sent it. (They are friends now, so go figure.) Maybe if everyone resolved to spend a night thinking about it, rolling that anger around in their head a little bit, then going back and reading the site again, before they posted? Bookmarks can be used for something other than just your favorites.

Then again, I guess that's what bloggers want, a lot of them, is comments. And if you post something as controversial as politics, religion, racism, or whatever, you have to take the good with the bad. The dumb with the smart. The Trolls with the eloquent, eh?

10/09/02 Jeez, what a freakin' day.

nga coatcheckAbby and I decided that, sniper be damned, we were going to D.C. to check out the Natural History Museum and the Nat'l Gallery of Art. So we leave this morning at 9AM. We ran into major traffic all the way down, and eventually get there about 12 (stopped for breakfast.) We were thinking, "it's a weekday, nobody'll be out, it's raining, we've got it made." But NO. It was packed. Every white box truck along the way gave us pause. Since she has just been in the accident, she was nervous and grabbing the dash the whole way down. Plus the old/new Toyota is a piece of shit, anyway.

We get down there, and found a place to park pretty easily (try behind the Hirshorn Gallery, or up around the Holocaust Museum, I always find something there.) The exhibit at the Natural that she wanted to see was closed down. So we head over to the National. We went in where I thot I wanted to be, but it was the wrong wing. We saw much beautiful medeival artwork, but I really wanted to see the Jasper Johns and stuff. However, by the time we made our way over there, it was time to feed the meter (we forgot to stop at the bank on the way out of town, so we had only 2 hours worth of quarters.)

By the time we got to the car, we were exhausted and didn't feel like going back across the mall. Plus we were pretty wet by this time, so we bagged it. After we left, we realized we had left our umbrella at the coat-check. (Good thing I shop at Wal-Mart- $3.)

Pulled off I-66 into Tyson's Corner to get gas, and I thot I could pick up my child support from the ex, he works up there, But the pay phone I tried to call him on Snafu'd like 5 times in a row, so we didn't go up there 'cuz the traffic was so annoying...we just got back on 66 and came home. We also called Johnny and he told me there was a message that I had forgotten to meet with Mike and my new DM about my new job! I totally forgot! Actually I thot the meeting was tomorrow. I beat myself up all the way home. I need this job.

Even tho it was 4:30, somehow there was no rush hour traffic and we got home pretty quick. We were both ready to run the car into a pole and go to heaven, but we didn't. When we got here, I called and Mike, bless his BIG HEART, had covered for me and everything is OK. I start the day after tomorrow. Then the phone rings and Abby got called back on an interview for a job that she wanted. So, just like we said all the way home: there has to be a reason everything went wrong today.

God works in mysterious ways... and we're going down to Warrenton tomorrow to get our tattoos. Pics after. Rawk!

10/09/02 They found a tarot card at the scene of the Tasker School shooting. This asshole obviously does not read the tarot.

Just saw the news and it looks like he/she has struck again in Manassas. I don't like this, this is my home area and I frequent these places. This is scary.

10/08/02 Of course this is fucked up. A sniper is terrorizing the Wash-metro area; I'm sure you know already. I just heard that all the killings are, indeed, linked. I'm not familiar with Montgomery County, but I live about 30 minutes from Fredricksburg. Jeez- I've been to that Michael's, and the Spotsy Mall right behind it. My teenagers hang out there. I wouldn't let Abby go to school Monday (her campus is in F'burg.) Since I'm off this week, I was gonna take the kids down to DC to see the museums- but now I don't know. God, please let them catch this/these person/people today.

10/07/02 What I saw in the park today
(Click on the thumbnail to see the bigger picture)

birch tree  chad the snake guy  little clam  johnny

Sorry the middle one's so blurry, I forgot to change the settings. That's a snake around his neck. Just some guy we saw hanging out with Mark. Isn't Johnny the sweetest thing you ever saw? That's my baby.

10/06/02 Third day of unemployment:

Spent the first half of the day in the park with Johnny. Took 40 pics on my new digicam. They are all blurry! WTF. I'm hoping the settings were just wrong, and the new camera (as cheap as it was) is not a piece of crap.

The second half of the day was spent in TV-land. See, they just put the E channel on out here in bumfuck, and I'd never seen what they've got. I became hooked on True Hollywood Stories. Watched the Elvis story, the Anna Nicole Smith story, and then Marlon Brando. In the end it was all the same story. I guess God has been looking out for me in not making me famous, eh? Then I watched the actual ANS show. I hear less whining from my three children. Watching her decorators, or whoever they were, fighting, was very boring.

I am still not so bored that I actually want to go to work, tho *grin*

10/05/02 The Wonderchicken and I may possibly share the same brain.

10/04/02 I am unemployed all day and have nothing to do but blog. Lucky you.

1. Who the hell is Rob Nelson and why does he have a show? Where's my Maury??

2. OMG I just saw the trailer for The Two Towers. If you are into balrogs check it out here. Got the link from jay bagley, evil genius. I, too, will definitely be standing in line on Dec. 18th.

3. Here is my Brawny man. Make your own at

my man
Mr. Sensitive: Candlelight. Sunsets. Love letters. And that's just the beginning. Your Brawny Man will wine and dine you, constantly remind you of how beautiful you are, and never forget your birthday! His art school background gives him a unique perspective on the world around him, which he'll share with you every chance he gets. And did we mention the poetry he'll write for you?


10/03/02 I am sick. Caught whatever the kids had. Head feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. But I love being off work. Mike called and said the job is a go. What a load off my mind. There are people you know and then there are friends. I owe this guy. Loss of job for one week: $350.00. Self-esteem-questioning and mental anguish: $1,000,000.00. Calling a friend and having him slide you in with no problem: Priceless.

sillyIs it just me, or is Nelly dumb as shit? Who in their right mind uses a band-aid on their face as a trademark? What is the point of spelling "here" with two R's? Is this a gangsta thing? It makes me think you should roll your tongue over it like they taught us in Spanish I. WTF. (Come back, Tupac!) Please do not hate-mail me. If a white guy did this I would think he was just as stupid. In fact, Eminem is almost as much of a 'tard, but his lyrics get to me and his videos are funny so I forgive him.



I cull a flame from the coals of many books smoldering in my belly
I pray long, and wait. It is not much comfort for a burning girl.
The remaining soft fuel is in short supply, and my eyes are cracked;
they're letting in farewells and bruised wives
who leap at me from every rafter in hell. I see them
in different shades of red, while sitting on my pyre,
hoping for rekindling.

I wrote it last night. Was in a weird mood.

10/02/02 weird dream #3:

Dreamed I lived in a house with an evil man. I knew he was evil, and one day a guy from work ("R") told me there was a way out. But for some reason, I stayed that night. The evil guy cooked potatoes au gratin and they were sitting on the stove. I got a plate of them, and ate a couple of bites. Then I opened the living-room window and leaned out. "R" was sitting on the front lawn in a lawn chair, talking on a cell phone. I yelled at him "R! call 911!" He looked over at me like he didn't believe me, but he got up and switched calls and dialed the number. Then I woke up.

Went into work this morning, and when "J" came in at 10 they let me go. I was expecting it, and was actually kind of relieved. But it was emotional for me and I choked up a little bit. Was home by 11. Freaky.

10/01/02 Skipped the staff meeting tonite. "J" called me at home and asked me to bring my written resignation. I freaked. I thot he was trying to trick me again. Plus, I always hated those meetings, and always wanted to skip one. I figured this was the last one I'd ever go to, so... I've spent the day diggin the old grout out of the bathtub and replacing it, it was all moldy and shit. Haven't taken a shower for two days, bcause I'm trying to let the boards behind the shower dry out- they stink, all wet and rotten and everyting. So I didn't get done in time to clean up for the meeting, and- whatever.

So bring it on, motherfuckers, I can take all you have to dish out. I disappoint you? Sorry. I'm a poor manager? Sorry. I'm not focused? Sorry. What? You don't want me to go? Sorry.

9/30/02 Alert! Slug-on-kitchen-floor-UGH

Spent yesterday trying to forget about work. Spent today AM: running to the grocery store, running Johnny to the Doctor (sinus infection) running to the Pharmacy (Mike says the plan is still in motion- and Arlene is is sweet as ever.) Then dropping J off, getting meds into bodies, and running to work. PM: working with husband-boss, who ran the gamut of being a dick (he can't help it?) to raving over my new presentation of the Cabot line in aisle 4. He finally left at 6 (supposed to at 4) Holy fucking Christ man, just go!

Then I could relax. Took my dinner break just in time to shut down the store when I got back. BLEH. I am not into it anymore. I recognize the "I will smash you down with my heel into the ground until you cry for mercy, then I will act all sweet and win your favor back" thing. I had a Dad, I had a Husband. I'm not buying it.

9/29/02 Know what I'd really like to do? Buy some land, build a house and live away from most people forever. Paint, and read, and surf all day long, and not have to worry about the light bill. Wake up when I want, sleep when I need, and have a flower garden. Maybe some grandchildren to come over and visit me. That's all. Not too much to ask, eh?

9/29/02 Nothing going on. Was off today, laid around trying not to think about going into work tomorrow. Played with Johnny, talked to Abby a little. "P" came over, he's a guy I used to work with years ago, who I ran into after I moved down here. Apparently he had moved down here as well. Anyway, he's an electrician and I asked him to look at my house, it needs a lot of work, and I thot maybe he would do it for cheap.

He started in right away with the "my wife and I are having problems," which I'm sure they probly are, but I countered right away with "I'm not in the market for a boyfriend" thing, which I'm not, anyway. I just wanted to make things clear from the beginning. I'm not really sure, but I think he used to try and go out with me all those (14!) years ago, and I didn't want any mixed signals.

He fixed one wire that was hanging down dangerously, and said he would return to fix the outlet boxes that are shaky and the faucet that runs all the time. After that, there is a storm door and the plumbing in the upstairs bathroom...jeez! My house is falling apart.

9/28/02 Ear is bleeding. Q-tip accident. Don't ask. Except that I stabbed it at noon and it's 10:20PM and it still bleeds. What is up with that? Punctured eardrum? Whatever.

9/28/02 Everything is so messed up

I would rather not deal with all this shit right now. Under enough stress with making sure Abby is OK, figuring out what to do with the car, and talking to the officer who showed up at the accident, the insurance, etc. Plus I have to deal with this crap at my job. "J" cornered me today and was asking me all this shit about could I afford to quit this job, did I really know what I was doing, etc. Not one of the "management team" that he claims I am a part of has even asked how she was doing. I am so stressed. I would love to smack somebody right now. It just wouldn't be the one who deserves it. Thank God I am off tomorrow.

9/27/02 Downloading some Beatles songs. I just got thru watching Pleasantville. It was pretty good. The imagery was blatant, but that's OK. And I love recolored photos. And I like Tobey MacGuire. Have you seen The Cider House Rules? He was in that too. His mouth is cool.

Anyway, I have the day off, so I'm doing nothing. I don't even want to go in to work to get my check. I'm just going to borrow money from Abby and pay her back tomorrow. Fuck that place.

My Kaaza folder sorted by title (the "I"s):

I could die for you
I Miss You
I Want You
I Want You Bad
In the End
In Too Deep
Irish Drinking Song
It's Oh So Quiet
It's Over

9/26/02 Why, oh why do I feel the need to put a liner in my trashcan? I worked 8 hours, and came home and made my daughter and my son happy and read blogs and talked to my other son via IM and drank much W&W and I saw my trashcan sitting there with no liner. I have all day off tomorrow and have many hours in which to line the trashcan but I have to do it now. Why?

9/26/02 Three saltines is just the right amount for me

Thus my daughter spoke, as I was cooking her some chicken-noodle soup. Thank God, or the Goddess, or whoever, she is better. Her color is back, and she's walking. I am truly a lucky person. And I had a great evening with Johnny, joking and laughing and stuff.

Had a long talk w/"J" at work, told him I had called my old boss and gotten my old job back. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I got in trouble for not having my shift covered the day of the accident, and the owners were really pissed at me. But I just told the truth and it's a long story, but I am leaving the hardware store and going back to my old job. At least that is the plan. I will know for sure next Thursday.

Just to know that I won't have to deal with the husband-boss's bullshit anymore is a beautiful thing. Please, Mike you have got to come thru - I think you will. And I thank you.

I know who my friends are.

9/25/02 One time a thing occurred to me: what's real, and what's for sale?

I might be jobless, or demoted, tomorrow. Due to the fact that I screwed up thinking that my shift was covered for today. Due to the fact that I called my boss's house last night from the hospital and left a message with their 15-yr old daughter, thinking that they would understand I was in a crisis and cover said shift. I actually opened the store only 27 minutes late. ("A" who lives down the block from me, drove over when he found the store wasn't open.) I had been up all nite. I called in a reliable key-holding individual to cover me til the owner got there at 10. My daughter is really hurt! When I called husband-boss to thank him for the day off to watch over my daughter, he said he was "too angry to talk to me" and that on a scale of one to ten my "professionalisim was a one." OK. You may bite me now.

9/24/02 Thank you God Thank You Thank You

Abby was in a wreck tonight. She was coming across 229 heading for the Q-stop and was blindsided by a pickup. She was hurt the worst. She has a concussion and cracked ribs, contusions (bruises) and scratches. The car is totalled.

When I got to the hospital, she was walking and talking and everything, but she had some short-term memory loss. She kept asking the same things over and over "What happened?" "Is Danny OK?" "Where are we?" and it was really scary. She couldn't remember the nurse's name, or that she just got her hair cut this afternoon, or the new purse she bought today. Her whole left side is in pain. She has trouble getting up and down. They sent her home after about 4 hours, so now here we are. Danny is here too. I couldn't get rid of him. He has been acting really creepy.

For instance, he kept asking her if she remembered them getting back together. Did she remember telling Tim she didn't want to see him anymore. It was all about him, him, him. I just wanted to smack him. Then I said I'd give him a ride home, cuz they said they were going to keep her overnight. I wa going to tell him to stay the fuck away from her. Then they changed their minds, and I had to bring him back with us. I didn't want to take the time to go over to his place and drop him off with her sitting in the car in pain.

Thru all of this, Johnny (my sweetheart, my little man) has been at the neighbor's. I tried to call but the phone was busy for a long time. Then I finally get thru and tell him to sleep over there, I'll be home later. But he wants to go home. He says, "I did it before, I can do it again." The he starts crying. Heart implosion! I can't handle the two of them being in so much pain. I tell him to be tough, and when we get off the phone he says "I guess it's tough time now." I was actually grateful that they kicked Abby out tonight. At least I can be there for both of them. Fucking fuck fucker fuck fuck fuck.

After we got back, Abby was much more lucid, so Danny starts acting like he has a concussion. He keeps asking Abby all these questions over and over again. I know he's copying what she did. He's trying to get sympathy from her. I can just tell. Don't think I'm mean. He was just fine an hour ago. I wish he wasn't here. I told him he better stop it cuz he's making her feel guilty. Told him I would call 911 if he felt bad. Go away let her sleep asshole.

9/22/02 Just Glue It
Hey, there is aways another guy, right? Now don't laugh at me. Since the demise of "B" and the disappearance of Cute Guy, pickins' have been slim. I considered the ex, but no. Post Office guy likes me, but he just doesn't turn me on. So today a guy caught my eye, he's a customer and I've seen him before. I always thot he was good-lookin, but I was always busy before. He looks dangerous, in a biker-kind of way. But he's like, well-groomed and all. A definite plus. He was checkin' me out, I'm pretty sure. I was checkin' him out, for sure. Well, let's see if he comes around again. Hmm...