9/20/02 More celebrities that rub me the wrong way

awwwRead in USA Today that Courtney Love is hosting some big show on MTV2. Here is a list of things she plans to do:

A segment called "The ten most important fashion moments, because I say so."

Another segment called "Ten reasons for (underground rock producer/engineer) Steve Albini, who he is and why."

She'll explore a concept she calls "reconstruction," which seems to refer mostly to making her own clothes. "Everybody I know is getting a sewing machine, including me. It's this cool new thing. You take three slips and a sweater and make it into a new thing."

She'll show the 1970 movie Performance, with Mick Jagger.

Love, 38, has asked MTV2 to find a clip of her from juvenile hall "being sassy."

She's got "special footage" of Marianne Faithfull.

She wants to play the 1980 movie Times Square, with an actress named Robin Johnson. "I swear to God I've never seen an actress like this. She's Mick Jagger plus Marilyn Monroe."

Cameras will go to two parties, she says, one in "my loft," the other at the Total Request Live studios. "I've always said I'm a TRL virgin, and I am."

Clips from the 1987 movie Straight to Hell will be discussed. "It's the first movie I ever made and it's the worst movie I've ever made," she says.

This is the first time the network has relinquished control to an artist for a day. MTV will air updates from MTV2, and fans will be able to participate in a live chat in which Love will randomly join

Yeah. Whatever.

And, check it out, she finally did the nosejob (cheeks, possibly?) She actually looks pretty good.

9/20/02 Get some phuckin' blue jeans, man

bend over assholeIf Scott Stapp makes one more video where he is wearing leather pants, standing on some cliff, falling thru the air, or staring into the camera with that look that says "I am so angst-ridden and visionary, and hey- I'm really good-looking too," which he obviously thinks is sexy, I'm gonna go on down to the set and slap him silly. I'll bring some tears to his eyes. Maybe a little pain will snap him out of it. Second place: Rob Thomas.

9/19/02 I would never lie to you, no - I would never lie to you

I could be painting my toenails. they need it. Could be plucking my eyebrows. I could be shaving my legs. I could be sleeping beauty sleep. I could be doing any number of things to make myself beautiful. But I am blogging and reading websites and drinking water and wine. And I am smoking. And I am listening to many superior tunes which are stored on my hard drive. I could be making love to you, but I am making love to my computer. I'm way, I'm way in the background.

9/19/02 Conversatons Kill

Had a conversation with a guy this afternoon. I was mixing paint for him. I kinda like mixing paint for people, cuz it gives you a chance to stop working for a while, and nobody asks you to do anything cuz you're busy. And you get to talk to people while you're mixing and shaking up the paint. I always ask them what they're painting, and go from there.

This guy said I would save his marriage if I could just get this paint right. He made it like a joke, but my feeling was it was no joke. He had messed up the picnic table by placing newly painted auto parts on it. He was trying to get his old truck fixed up so he could use it to make money on the side. He said he's already working two jobs.

His wife had bought the paint four years ago, and he still had the old can. But the label on it wasn't right- it called for over 21 ounces of tint and that could never fit into a quart size can. Plus the base was different from what the base was on the label. I explained all this to him, and tried to match the paint. But it was a weird dark redwood color, and it's hard to mix darker colors in quarts- I couldn't get a match.

I tried to convince him to buy a generic redwood gallon off the shelf, and just redo all the furniture. Then in the future he wouldn't have this problem. If I'd have mixed it for him in the first place, I might have had an idea of how to get it again. But whoever did it all those years ago did it wrong and no formula that I've been taught could get it back.

He kept getting unhappier and unhappier- he was very nice to me, but seemed terrified of his wife's reaction if he did not come home with this paint. I went thru four quarts, trying different things, and I still couldn't get it. For some reason, just because of the look on his face, I feel so guilty.

He finally bought the closest can. I hope he didn't get the shit beat out of him or something.

9/18/02 Her dizzy head is conscience-laden

So I am telling you what happened the other night. Set the scene: dark living room. TV-screen and monitor light. Empty wine glass and overflowing ashtray next to monitor on desk. Fine tune playing from computer speakers. Much web work finished. Satisfaction. Sleepy/drunk girl getting up to go to bed. She feels a head-rush coming on, but thinks "I can handle it, I'm always drunk," so she stands up. She had just moved the playstation earlier, so it was laying in the middle of the floor. And she trips over it.

I think I blacked out, or something. I fell like a stone. Straight onto my face.

Major pain. I think I broke my nose. It's not crooked or anything, but it hurts like a motherfucker. There's a rug burn on the bottom of it. And a huge gash where my glasses dug into the bridge of my nose. It is very, very ugly.

Normally I would've put out my arms to take the blow, but it was like I wasn't there for a minute. I just fell straight down.

Told everyone at work I was in a car accident. That's what it looks like! Told my best friends the truth. They related. But I feel humiliated and stupid. And lucky. I coulda broken my neck - it also hurts like a motherfucker.

Moral: If you are a drunk, don't drink so much DON'T MOVE ANYTHING.

I gave my number to post-office guy this afternoon. He came in and I was in the office, and he actually asked to have me paged. Why did I do it? I don't know!

I think I will hear from "B" again, but I just know that is a big fat nothing. I had a nice conversation with the ex last night. But he knows how to be nice when he wants and then turns into exzilla when he's gotcha.

I guess I just appreciated this guy's persistence. It's nice to be wanted. But "L" gave in to a guy at work and went out with him, and now she can't get rid of him. No- uh, NO. THANKS.

I think this guy would make a great friend. He's kind of a biker-type but seemingly mellower. He probly drinks and smokes. For me this is a good thing. He doesn't really turn me on at first sight. But he's not FUGLY. I want to hang out and tell him all my troubles and have him be a bud and listen. I don't want to have the whole "I like you that way" thing hanging over it.

It's not gonna work. Why does it never work?

9/17/02 Happy Birthday to my little brother Kurt/changed it to Kirt what is up with that? You are still you with the U. Always loved you, always will.

9/16/02 Whip it! Into shape. Shape it up. Get straight

Watching the Redskins. Philadelphia is beating them 14-0. I guess I should have watched the game the other night! I used to root for them all the time, but the last few years- I just gave up. Wouldn't it be sweet if the home team was halfway decent again? I don't even know who's coaching anymore.

AGH! 23-7. 3rd and 10.

Fourth and 37-7 *crying* I am bad luck

No thank you, I don't want to experience QuickTime Pro. (a pop-up just invaded my thoughts- FUCK. YOU.)

All my skin is getting drier. My eyes don't read little stuff anymore. I have crow's feet and wrinkles (I mean smile lines) around my mouth. And I hide my forehead wrinkles with (very hip, yes?) bangs.

As I was saying... life is going on and I'm not sure if I want to accept it. However, I have no choice. Can I say Fuck You, God? Is that allowed?

Maybe I will tell you what really happened last night. Someday. It was scary. (Not whimpering. Digesting.)

Tunes (and writing) remain my salvation.

9/14/02 Forgive me if I don't understand women's underwear. I wore it for many years. Always it seemed to be...unnecessary. I understand the concept of cleanliness. I understand the concept of protection. But as a woman I always had better luck with all that stuff just letting it all hang out. The fresh air does you good. My daughter wears thongs, which I cannot get with. I've tried them, of course you know they nestle between your cheeks. I find this very unnatural. She says the thongs that have just strings don't hurt so much. I don't think anything should hurt. The best underwear is men's boxer briefs. I wear 'em when there's a hole in my pants, and I have to cover. If I have to wear a dress, I do have some bikinis. Don't get me started on ladie's shoes.

9/13/02 That mouth was made to suck my kiss

i do allow I have a thing for Anthony Keidis. I've heard he's bi, but hey -whatever. There are turning points. Ever since I saw him at Ritchie Coliseum in the early 80's, I have been marginally obsessed. Since then I've seen about 5 RHCP shows round and about. I loved the long hair, the tattoos, the teeth, the bod-DAY. I love the new short brown hair. This guy can't look bad - he has good bones (*smile to mom*) I'm not so obsessed that I know who writes the songs- I think most are credited to the band, or maybe all. But I love Otherside, Scar Tissue, and it feels to me like he wrote them. And I feel like I could've written them. I wish I could meet this guy, just sit on the beach and drink six and smoke cigarettes and talk. I went to join the fan club, but they wanted something like $25 and I was like - uh, no. I wanted to write an email that said "Dammett, Blackie, how can you charge so much?" but I didn't have the balls. Did you know we are the same age? Ya-huh. 1962. He (possibly) needs a woman, and I need a man. If you're ever searching for your name on the internet, Anthony, and you run across this blog, email me. You probably won't be sorry.

9/12/02 Not the Doctor
I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours I don't want to be your glass of single-malt whiskey hidden in the bottom drawer I don't want to be the bandage if the wound is not mine Lend me some fresh air I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you I don't want to be your babysitter, you're a very big boy now I don't want to be your mother I didn't carry you in my womb for 9 months Show me the back door Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6 well I already know that you'll find some way to sneak me through that door Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom You see it's too much to ask for, and I am not the doctor I don't want to be the sweeper of the eggshells that you walk upon I don't want to be your other half I believe that 1 and 1 make 2 I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face at midnight What are you hungry for? I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together I don't want to be your idol, see this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights I don't want to be lived through, a vicarious occasion Please open the window I don't want to live on someday when my motto is next week I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart or its wounded beat I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling Why do you thank me What do you thank me for? Alanis Morrisette

I think I have passed into the *anger* stage.

9/11/02 You come swimming into view

I can't keep watching the TV, it makes me cry. I didn't lose anybody that day. But the pain these families are experiencing reminds me of two men I have lost, under very different circumstances.

Five reasons why I loved you:
1. You had a strawberry patch
2. You taught us how to skip rocks
3. You let us snitch from your candy jar in the den
4. You taught us how to feed a horse sugar cubes
5. You always smelled like cigars

Five reasons why I loved you:
1. You let us sit out the back window of the station wagon
2. You always left the keys in the car
3. You slipped me candy bars when Mom wasn't looking
4. You let us watch scary movies
5. You loved my children as much as I did

Hope you guys are happy in Heaven.

Got the five things idea from this imploding heart.